Toe Jam & Earl

A Rappin' Review

Let me fill you in on a game from '91
It's for da Genesis and it's a lotta fun

It's about two funky dudes from outer space
They so hip, they just jump in yo face
One named Toe Jam, who's quick in play
The other is Earl, who's got da bass

They come from dis planet called Funkatron
And they have dis ship dat rocks a ton
So while crusin' through space, Earl takes da wheel
Little did he know, da ship ain't steel
Comets blazing by along their way
Before they could move, da ship hits the hay!

Mayday, Mayday! The ship is gonna crash!
It's hittin' where all da humans be at!
WABAM!
The ship has been cracked
Da pieces got scattered all over da track
Now it's up to you to find da clues
The ship has parts that need to be glued!

The game itself plays smooth and crisp
You ain't seen nothing as cool as dis
It's an overhead adventure you cannot miss
Where chickens with mortars do exists!

The goal is finding each space ship piece
And takin' elevators at da end of each fleet
But don't go thinking dat dis is easy
Or giant hamsters will squash you into cheesy!

Presents are scattered along da way
To help you out during your play
Tomatoes, stereos, and high-top shoes
Are just some examples to name a few
But when you open presents
Be sure to pray
Or instant death will make you pay!

The graphics are aight, they be kinda tight
I especially like the overhead sprites
Beefy animation, with decent frames
Detail so crisp, I can't complain
The tiles be fresh, as you can see
With grassy lands and quicksand like cheese
I can't quite say they the best to be seen
But they definitely good as good can be

Movin' right on to da best part, G
It's all about da music in TJ&E
With beats so funky they'll make you see
Why they go down in his-to-ry
I don't think I've heard a game quite the same
It puts everything straight to shame
Funkadelic rhythm comin' outta da system
It's da best soundtrack in gaming fo shizzim!

When it come to sound effects, they be a blast
They so funny, y'all fall on yo ass
From gobbles to mowers and ice cream trucks
You'll be struck when da dentist starts to chuck!

Now that's what I think when it comes to dis game
If I were to grade it, I'd give it in A
There's nothing else I'd rather play
'Cause when you're jammin' dis beat all else is gay!

- Keranu, April 19th, 2007 1:19am USA Central Time