Monkey Shines

From the legendary horror director, George A. Romero, famous for the epic "Night of the Living Dead" series, comes a new masterpiece containg monkeys n' wheel chairs. A master piece known as MONKEY SHINES!

Let me fill everyone in on the story of Monkey Shines, which originates from a novel. One morning a man named Alan wakes up in bed next to his beatiful girlfriend Linda. Alan rubs Linda's butt, does some quick morning stretches (naked, of course), puts on his sweat suit and goes for a lovely morning jog. On his jog, he runs through some lovely morning scenary, gets a nice breeze, and even greets some people as he passes them! However before Alan knows it, a chained up rotwiler spooks him in front of mean-rollin' truck and gets brutally hit and flies in the air; bricks and all. Now things aren't good for Alan, for he is stuck in a wheel chair and things won't be easy for all-star track athelete. He can't run anymore, people give him strange looks, and his lovely girlfriend Linda ends up sleeping with Alan's miracle doctor behind his back. Things were so tuff on Alan that Alan even tried suffercating himself until his genius scientist friend, Geoffery, saves him!

At this rate, Alan can't even manage to kill himself so it's practically like living in hell for him. Mean while in Geoffery's lab, Geoffery is conducting a scientific experiment by boiling a human brain into a liquid and injecting it into a monkey to see if the monkey gains intelligence. This good friend of Alan's was kind enough to bring this Capichan monkey to a special monkey trainer, Melony, so that this smart monkey could really help Alan, but Geoffery keeps this human brain stuff secret from everyone else besides his boss. Now with a smart, well-trained monkey at Alan's house, Alan's life couldn't be better... well until that "human brain drug" starts to kick in...

By the sound of it, this movie doesn't sound much like a horror movie, but it IS; it just takes it awhile for it to kick in. Monkey Shines is possibly my all time favorite cheesy movie, right next to Flyin' Ryan. Monkey Shines blends in cheesy story, characters, and scenary perfectly to make a good cheese festival! However, if Monkey Shines were to be weak on one cheesy subject, it would have to be special effects, because there aren't much really; just a funny falling effect, a monkey stunt double, and a stuffed monkey in one scene so no monkeys were actually hurt. Other than that, this movie is on top when it comes to a cheesy flick. I wish the main actor, Jason Beghe, had more main roles in movies, because his acting in Monkey Shines is right on, especially when he's pissed off.

George A. Romero fans, you'll love this movie! Okay well not really, I bet Monkey Shines was a total dissapointment to them and hurts them to think that Romero actually directed and screen wrote the movie. But if a fan of cheesy movies like myself or both a fan of George A. Romero and cheesy movies, this movie shall be a treat! It's certainly hard to come across movies that are cheesier than this and the only one that can really compete with it and might actually beat it in a cheese flinging fight, is Flyin' Ryan. "Monkey Shines: An Experiment in Fear" and a successful experiment in cheesy movie history. Truely an epic.

- Keranu, August 08th, 2005 2:18am USA Central Time